


Hearts & Minds

by pastmistakes



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alpha Hatake Kakashi, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, BAMF Umino Iruka, Beta Yamato | Tenzou, Intersex, M/M, Multi, Omega Umino Iruka, Other, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:02:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27447574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastmistakes/pseuds/pastmistakes
Summary: Kakashi is an alpha who has somehow scored with a trophy omega that iswayout of his league.Repeatedly.He ropes his not-quite-boyfriend Tenzo, a beta, into helping him navigate the uncharted waters of a new not-quite-relationship.Iruka is an omega who just wants to have fun.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka/Yamato | Tenzou, Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou, Others/Iruka, Umino Iruka/Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 13
Kudos: 139





	Hearts & Minds

Kakashi had invited Tenzo out for drinks. 

That, in and of itself, was a major red flag because, despite being an alpha, Kakashi was stingy and regularly snubbed the alpha-provider stereotype to save himself a few coins. One of his favorite strategies was to use Tenzo's own initiative as an excuse to foot him the bill. Although Tenzo complained openly about the misappropriation of his hard-earned money, he usually went along with it anyway - partly because it was nostalgic and partly because his beta nature compelled him to just go with the flow.

As they drank quietly together in a nearly empty restaurant in the civilian sector Tenzo concluded that it was shock, more than curiosity, that had led him to agree to mid-afternoon sake with the copy-nin; but nevertheless, he waited patiently for Kakashi to divulge whatever mindboggling thing that had him acting so uncharacteristically charitable. No doubt something that was sure to give Tenzo headaches and stomach ulcers in the very near future. 

Also, it was very likely that Kakashi, being the opportunistic jerk that he was, believed his little _investment_ would soon be paying back in spades. 

Tenzo knew he could walk away now - and that he probably should - before whatever shit-show that Kakashi was the star of began contaminating his nearly pristine drama-free world; but, well, sometimes a little non-lethal drama was a nice change of pace every now and then, and at the very least Tenzo was sure he was in for a laugh, so he continued to wait patiently for the other shoe to drop.

The second major red flag came in the form of a very awkward question. 

"We've been _together_ for a while now haven't we kohai?"

Tenzou paused mid-drink to eye the man sitting in front of him warily. "Is there a definition of _'together'_ that I am unaware of Senpai?" 

Kakashi swallowed inaudibly, "Oh, you know." he started, aiming for an unamused drawl that would have fooled anyone else, but Tenzo knew better. Kakashi was clearly agitated, "that on-again-off-again thing we've been doing since we were kids."

Tenzo gave him a flat stare to cover his deep-seated full-body _cringe_. He _unquestionably_ knew what Kakashi was talking about, but he kept silent because it was something they'd absolutely never _talked_ about before. It was something temporary that sometimes just naturally happened between them without any acknowledgment or planning or _sense._

Friends-with-benefits at best.

"I've been thinking we should finally take it to the next level." Kakashi continued, clearly struggling with his approach and changing his tone into something that was a grotesque mix of clinical patience and understanding. The tone one might hear from a doctor explaining their prognosis on their deathbed - assuring them that it was safe to go into the light. 

_What an ass!_

It wasn’t that Tenzo couldn’t or even didn’t have feelings for the older man, it was that Kakashi was just such a huge spaz when it came to anything remotely resembling emotions (outside of teenage level angst) that Tenzo just backed off and let them simply _be_ whatever Kakashi needed them to _be_. 

Tenzo let his face melt into a deathly bored expression that he hoped conveyed exactly how interested he was in being manipulated into reimagining the last 10 years of his life for the sake of playing along with whatever whim Kakashi was following. "Please stop insulting my intelligence senpai."

Kakashi barely nodded an acknowledgment and plowed forward, "But you can't deny that there _is_ something there, right?"

"Okay." Tenzo said slowly. Apparently, he was going to humor the alpha, because, instead of calling him out for being the manipulative bastard that he was, he decided to play along and act like there truly was something substantive enough to discuss, "I’ll bite.” He paused to make sure the other man understood his stance. “We haven't had sex in over a year senpai, so why now?"

"Our relationship isn't built on sex... We, ah, both know that we'll end up getting back together again soon enough… eventually." Kakashi clarified for him, spinning the quick and clever answer just as he would for a Q&A session during an overly ambiguous mission brief. 

Tenzo continued to stare, refusing to clarify what he meant when he’d asked _why_ because it was pointless; Kakashi knew he hadn't supplied a sufficient answer. Despite him dancing around the subject, he was sitting too quietly, too still - it was clear to Tenzo that Kakashi was barely able to contain the answer. But being too forthcoming with his questions would only provide the alpha with more opportunities to manipulate Tenzo into inevitably agreeing to do _something_ he wouldn't normally agree to. 

Dealing with this man and his eccentricities was so exasperating sometimes.

So they continued to stare at each other unproductively, waiting for the other to crack.

Kakashi cracked first, coughing quietly into his fist, a surreptitious request for Tenzo to please play along anyway - despite his reservations and against his better judgment. 

Tenzo took it as a win because _kami_ was the alpha was being so annoying. Sitting there pretending like he didn't know Tenzo was smart enough to read his next move. Acting like it was _Tenzo_ who needed something from him, and not the other way around. 

"Okay, _boyfriend."_ Tenzo said pointedly - mockingly.

It earned him a surprised eyelash flutter and sharp huff of air born from an aborted laugh. 

It was always a sweet victory to make an ANBU, or in this case, ex-ANBU, break character. Tenzo smirked and downed the rest of his drink before standing to make like he was going to leave. "Tonight at eight behind the aviary." He suggested as he turned to walk away, knowing that that particular appointment would bring back memories that were equal parts hysterical and horrifying. 

It got him a full laugh out of the alpha and Tenzo's arm is caught before he could stray more than a few steps. 

Tenzo allows himself to be pulled back to the table, grinning at the man, the game is over and Tenzo knows he’s won. Not that it was ever a question, he’s a beta - betas always win when it comes to relationships. 

_Oh!_

“So this is about an omega?” Tenzo asks curiously as he sits back down. 

Kakashi immediately releases his arm like he’s been burned, studying Tenzo, unsure of what gave him away, “Beta-magic?” He asks warily after a moment.

“More like bullshit radar.” Tenzo smiles but gives a self-deprecating shake of his head. 

Nature gave alphas and omegas a lot of blind spots when it came to mating. _Beta-magic_ is a silly term that they used whenever they are utterly mystified by a beta’s abilities to ‘ _understand and the realign cosmic order of all things_. _'_

Betas called it, ‘ _using common sense_.’ 

“You don’t give yourself enough credit. From an outside perspective, it’s always a shock.” Kakashi shrugs and relaxes, “But yes, it’s about an omega.” He scratches at the back of his head and tries to carefully choose his words. “He uh... only dates steady pairs.” 

Tenzo takes a moment to let that sink in. Omegas, especially shinobi omegas, are exceedingly rare and considered quite precious. It takes a lot of trust for an omega to partake in casual sex with anyone, _especially_ with an alpha. Unfortunately, while those types of arrangements weren’t unheard of, they never lasted long because they always ended up pregnant or bonded. Dating steady pairs gave omegas an added layer of security and protection against slip-ups - but it also meant no attachments. 

Attachments were not something that omegas were good at avoiding for long.

“How many pairs?” Tenzo asks, because something seemed off. 

“I’m not sure.” Kakashi says awkwardly, “More than three… It’s not really my business to ask…”

“And you think he might want to date _another_ pair because…?” Tenzo asks incredulously because he is sure whatever is about to come out of Kakashi’s mouth will be foolish. 

“ _‘Date’_ is really such a strong word…” Kakashi starts but then changes his mind, apparently smart enough to know not to continue. He instead lifts his hand to point at his left eye, silently asking if he can show Tenzo a memory. Using the Sharingan. 

Tenzo grumbles at him because this is sure to give him a massive headache but he nods his consent anyway. 

Kakashi arches his right eye into a smile and lifts up the hitai-ate to reveal his left eye. 

Instantly Tenzo’s vision goes black and then white before colors slowly bleed back into his peripheral vision until the world is in focus. 

_As Tenzo expected, the memory is from Kakashi’s perspective, unfortunately, for some reason, Tenzo had not anticipated that the memory was going to be of Kakashi having sex._

_The sudden dive into overstimulation makes it hard for his mind to catch up with what he’s seeing and feeling._

_Tenzo, as Kakashi, is balls deep in an absolutely gorgeous omega._

_His bronze skin is ablaze with arousal, hair wildly disheveled, and eyes smoldering hot with excitement._

_His facial scar is familiar but Tenzo doesn’t have the mental capacity to conjure a name yet._

_They are standing._

_The omega is pushed up against a wall, forced into a near-perfect standing front split._

_One of the omega’s ankles is behind Tenzo’s, Kakashi’s, neck._

_The sex is desperate and angry - borderline violent._

_In a supply closet._

_In the Hokage tower._

_“I’m going to knot you.” Kakashi’s voice declares in a low and dangerous growl._

_“Don’t you dare…! Don’t… nnn! knot me innn here!” the omega hisses between frantic thrusts, “we’ll be… ah!... stuck... here!” But his grip on Tenzo’s, Kakashi’s, hair tightens and then the omega is kissing him, them - too possessive and with too much teeth and tongue. It’s filthy in the most wonderful way and it makes Kakashi’s growling and grunting devolve into a toe-curling keen._

_Kakashi is already close, the pitch of his voice and stutter of his hips gives him away, but right before orgasm Tenzo, Kakashi pulls his cock out and yanks the omega into a teleportation jutsu._

_In the next moment, they are in a bed, and the omega yelps in shock as they bounce once, but before they hit the mattress again Tenzo, Kakashi, pulls both of the omega’s legs over his shoulders, bends him in half mid-air, and then bodily slams back inside of him without warning. He viciously locks them together with his knot and stills like he’s delivered a finishing blow after a hard-fought battle._

_The memory of the triumph consumes his mind and he sees nothing for a blinding hot second._

_The momentum, the force of it, must have made their rejoining painful because the omega cries out like he’s been stabbed and he tenses, his body going rigid as he is utterly undone._

_The position Kakashi has tied him in looks incredibly uncomfortable and the omega is absolutely wrecked as wave after wave of pleasure rip through his body under the pressure of the alpha’s knot._

_Somehow he still finds enough malice in him to snarl at Tenzo, Kakashi, “_ ** _You are an ass_**!" _Before his eyes roll back, keening and arching beautifully under them, his body humming like a live wire, clearly determined to bask in the glory of their union despite his discomfort._

_Tenzo hears Kakashi snort at the omega as pale hips grind down hard, intentionally, obnoxiously, putting his weight onto the omega’s thighs and trying to push the smaller man past his limits like Kakashi has something against the man finding pleasure in him. His bratty antics go largely ignored._

_Tenzo continues to observe stupidly for a few more minutes before he is finally able to center his consciousness and disassociate himself from the Kakashi in the memory. He probably should have done it earlier, but.. well... he'd really been swept away!_

_Despite the omega’s passion wrought dishevelment, a name finally comes to mind._

_The academy’s most highly sought out instructor, the self-proclaimed guardian of the jinchikuri, the Hokage’s personal assistant, the Hokage’s_ **_favorite_** _!_

 _Genin at 11, chunin at 12, jounin at 14, and then_ **_voluntary demotion_ ** _back to fucking chunin at 16 so he could_ **_teach_** _._

**_The. Fucking. Embodiment. Of. The. Will. Of. Fire._ **

**_Umino Iruka._ **

_Iruka was the top pick of nearly every shinobi pair in the market for an omegan surrogate. Tenzo had never worked with him but he’d definitely been_ _eye-fucking him for years, never even dreaming of approaching him because Iruka had his pick of nearly any steady pair at any rank; and whilst he was incredibly selective he was also incredibly well connected. Tenzo had it on good authority that he never bed the same pair more than twice a year._

_Tenzo wouldn’t dare label him a slut because he simply wasn’t, he was just living the dream of any happily unattached omega in their prime._

_Kakashi - arrogant, lazy, obnoxious-bratty-ass Kakashi - was_ **_outrageously_ ** _out of his league!_

 _“We are_ **_never_ ** _doing this again!” Iruka states vehemently._

_“I’ll talk to Tenzo in the morning…” Kakashi tries to sound soothing but he is still grinding the poor man to the mattress._

_“Liar!” he accuses angrily and punches Kakashi’s left arm as best he can from his position._

_“I promise, I swear, tomorrow...”_

_“You’ve been saying that for months and I don’t believe he wants or has anything to do with you anymore!”_

_“Look… stop squirming, please. Come on, look here, I’ll even show you. I promise you’ll love it.”_

_Iruka glares at him and snaps, “Hurry up then!”_

_And then Tenzo is thrown into a memory within a memory._

_‘Wonderful.’ He thinks sarcastically - the doubling up of genjutsu is going to give him twice the migraine._

_Tenzo has no time to curse the alpha before his world is refocusing and he sees a memory of himself. Is he now Tenzo as Iruka as Kakashi? He really isn’t sure anymore, and he isn’t sure how to dissociate himself from the double-memory-maybe-Iruka Kakashi so he doesn’t even bother to try._

_All he knows is that memory-Tenzo is fucking double-memory-Kakashi, something that Tenzo rarely ever gets to do, though he does not immediately recall this particular romp. They are in a tree in the middle of nowhere and Kakashi is propped up against the bark facing Tenzo. He has no idea why Kakashi would choose this particular memory to show Iruka. They are both filthy and exhausted and double-memory-Kakashi is babbling about something that is making memory-Tenzo angry._

_“You could make a chunk of wood expand and knot me with it,” double-memory-Kakashi is insisting, “you’re just being selfish!”_

_Memory-Tenzo stops fucking him and gives him a flat stare, “You’re an idiot.” Memory-Tenzo declares, and then the double memory ends._

_They are back in Kakashi’s bed._

_“You_ **_are_ ** _an idiot.” Iruka promptly echos memory-Tenzo._

_Kakashi just nods in agreement as he finally pulls his deflated cock out of him and looks down to record the omega's lovely spent cock and the gapping wet mess that he has made of the man below him._

_He’s kicked in the face after a few moments of staring and the memory finally ends._

The blinding migraine hits Tenzo immediately, “You’re an _ass_ and an _idiot_.” He grouches through clenched teeth.

Kakashi just hums in agreement and Tenzo hears him slide something across the table; presumably painkillers. 

Tenzo doesn't open his eyes as takes them with what’s left in the sake bottle. “How long ago was that memory?” he asks after a few minutes, anger receding with the pain until he can at least open his eyes again.

“Five weeks…” Kakashi shrugs like he’s guessing, which he most certainly isn’t. 

“You’ve had sex again since then.” Tenzo accuses, “Are you only now talking to me because he finally rejected you?”

“...Not quite…”

 _Oh._

“You almost slipped-up.” Tenzo concludes in surprise. “And now you are getting me involved to keep you in check.”

Kakashi sighs, not confirming or denying the accusation. “It’s not that I didn’t want to include you earlier…” He pauses, struggling for a moment before deciding to just blurt it out, “It’s just… one minute we were arguing and the next minute we were fucking.” Kakashi pauses to rub his palm into the Sharingan - it must ache. “And I didn’t think it would keep happening but it did.” He stops rubbing the eye and looks at Tenzo again, “Then one day he asked if I’d ever been in a stable relationship, so I told him about you." He shrugs again like he's not sure why. "I think he misunderstood what I meant when I said we’d been unofficial for over a decade because for some reason we ended up fucking like rabbits and then talking about fucking you.” 

_Tenzo certainly wouldn’t say no to that… But…._

After a few minutes of deep contemplation, Tenzo confesses, “If you would have told me it was him I wouldn’t have believed you.”

Kakashi nods a few times in understanding.

“He’s a smoking-hot _stable_ omega,” Tenzo continues, “With a _stable_ job, looking for a _stable_ steady pair to be his mates; not to mention he’s practically adopted the jinchikuri. You have… _nothing_ to offer him outside of rough sex.” 

Kakashi snorts, “Oh, I know.” and looks down at his drink, “But apparently that’s all he wants right now. He says he’s tired of being courted - just wants no-strings-attached fucking.” 

Tenzo pauses, because... _Wow. Really? Wow…_ He thinks back to the memory Kakashi had shared, his dick can appreciate it now that his head isn't throbbing… _hot._

Unfortunately, he has to be a responsible adult right now because Kakashi is clearly in need of one.

“But what about you?” Tenzo asks cautiously, not daring to use words that might even allude to falling in love for fear of scaring the other man off, “If you’re already slipping up then this could end really badly for you… when he's… done being courted.” 

“I… think it’d be good for me… either way…” Kakashi admits, and it’s the most emotionally mature thing Tenzo has ever heard him say - even though he's barely said anything. 

“I… think I agree with you.” Tenzo can’t help but smile at him, _it's better to have loved and lost_ and all that. 

“So you wanna try it out?” Kakashi asks, seeming relieved that that particular part of the discussion was over relatively quickly.

“Yeah, definitely,” Tenzo admits readily, because he rarely gets to indulge in non-mission sex, and has never had sex with an omega before. There is no way he’d even dream of turning down the opportunity - _especially with **that** omega. _

“Great,” Kakashi smiles at him with a deceptively calm nod, indicating he is deeply excited, “I’ll bring him over tonight.”

“I’m working tonight - second shift.” Tenzo reminds him quickly.

“Perfect, he’s working tonight too.” Kakashi nods again and happily shunshins away before Tenzo can demand he not be late. 

Kakashi has left a few bills on the counter to cover their tab and Tenzo can’t help but stare at them for a few minutes as he lets everything sink in. 

_Huh_ … Kakashi showed Iruka Tenzo's mask and face. He'll need to update his file later - for the first time.

\-----

Twenty minutes before his shift starts Tenzo is leaning against his countertop in his full ANBU uniform, mask over the right side of his head, sipping tea. As captain, he usually likes getting there 15 or so minutes early to greet his team as they arrive. He’s come to the conclusion that the chunin omega probably couldn’t make it on such short notice and Tenzo isn’t in the least bit surprised or upset about it because running on Kakashi-time is detrimental to one’s mental health. 

He wonders if he will get to see Iruka today. It feels like something should be different… he's seen Iruka naked… and Iruka… hasn't seen Tenzo naked exactly, but he has seen him in a compromising position, and he wonders again why Kakashi chose to show Iruka the memory of Tenzo inside of him and not the other way around… he must have put some thought into it...

He is given half a second's warning before he is suddenly joined in his kitchen by two people. 

One of them is angry. 

The other one is Kakashi. 

“Seriously? Right now?!” Iruka is loud, “I’ve only got 15 minutes before my shift starts, you insufferable jerk!” 

“You’d better make this quick then sensei.” Kakashi retorts smugly before he grips the man by the hips and pushes him back a few paces into Tenzo’s personal space. Iruka is a hair’s breadth away from bumping into Tenzo's tea when Kakashi spins him around.

Iruka’s face is flushed with fury and Tenzo braces himself for a strike, but Iruka's expression quickly morphs into shock, interest, and then blatantly flirtatious as he purrs, “Hello Cat-san.” 

Tenzo can’t help but blink owlishly at him for a moment, his heart is racing but he manages a smooth, “Hello.” 

Iruka smiles at him like he’s said something terribly witty and reaches towards Tenzo face. Tenzo doesn’t flinch but Iruka’s hand stops right before his fingers make contact with his cheek, “May I touch you Cat-san?”

Tenzo’s heart stops momentarily but he manages to not squawk when he replies, “Yeah...” 

Fingers caress Tenzo face for barely a second before both hands are audaciously making their way down his chest plate and abdomen, grabbing roughly, _brazenly_ at his belt and undoing his pants. 

Iruka is licking his lips as he keeps eye contact with him, Tenzo is more than a little intimidated but refuses to show it - he’s an ANBU captain for fucks sake. He can handle a little omega school teacher, he reminds himself, trying to ignore the fact that rank means absolutely nothing right now and he, like the foolish alpha that brought them together, is _way out of his league_. 

Kakashi chooses that moment to crowd the other man from behind, he is maskless as he bites at the omega's left ear, “Oi, quit trying to make Tenzo late and get to work.” He commands, and he suddenly pulls Iruka back by the hips and shoves him down by the neck, bending him over so that he is eye-level with Tenzo’s rapidly tightening crotch. 

“Jerk,” Iruka scoffs but continues to work open Tenzo’s pants. 

While Iruka is distracted Tenzo takes the opportunity to send Kakashi a shocked stare, willingly breaking character to express just how amazed he is, _Is this for real?!_

Kakashi breaks character in return for a moment to let Tenzo in on just how giddy he is behind the douchebag act he’s putting up. _I know right?!_

But then Iruka’s hands are on his dick and he and Kakashi can only stare as Iruka starts going to town like he’s been craving it for years.

 _“Shit.”_ Tenzo breaths soundlessly, unable to hold back the quiet curse as Iruka slyly glances up at him for a moment before refocusing on his task, swallowing him down inch by inch with quick eager bobs of his head. His hands are still brazen, touching Tenzo everywhere, cock, balls, hips, abs, and ass; the onslaught of pleasure has Tenzo overly careful as he slowly places his cup of tea down behind him and then braces himself white-knuckles against the edges of his countertops.

Distantly, Tenzo knows that Kakashi has started moving, unfastening Iruka’s pants and falling to his knees behind him, but he's honestly too overwhelmed to take his eyes off of Iruka right now.

He stares as Iruka pulls off of Tenzo’s cock to pant out a sultry moan. Kakashi has his face shoved between the bountiful cheeks of the omegas lovely tan ass. 

He gets a loud smack on the right cheek and is told to get back “to work” again. 

It earns Kakashi a growled warning, but Tenzo’s cock is down Iruka's throat again a moment later. 

The sounds of sucking are absolutely lewd in the quiet room, and the smells of pre-cum and slick are rapidly saturating the atmosphere. 

Tenzo has never been this close to an omega’s slick before, he's smelled it from a distance though he has never been in a position to enjoy it. Suddenly he can’t stop staring at Kakashi’s head, he seriously wants to taste it. 

Tenzo's breathing is quick so he deliberately takes a long exhale. The change brings Kakashi’s eyes over to him in an instant, Iruka’s too. Tenzo licks his lips, hoping it’s enough to convey his thoughts. 

Kakashi hears him loud and clear and in the next moment he’s up and kissing Tenzo breathless, the taste of Iruka on his lips is divine - Tenzo chases it fervently. The angle is a bit awkward and Tenzo realizes it’s because Kakashi is furiously finger fucking the poor omega, ruthlessly, loudly, gathering slick into his hand before pulling away from their kiss and shoving his coated fingers into Tenzo’s mouth. 

_It’s so good._

So good he’s cuming hard down Iruka’s throat within seconds and Iruka is swallowing him like he’s desperate for it. He doesn't know when Iruka came, or what pushed him over the edge but Tenzo can smell his release, it smells just as good as his slick; he wonders if it will taste the same. Tenzo pushes Iruka away from his cock when it gets unbearably sensitive and pulls away from Kakashi’s fingers so he can drag the chunin omega up into an absolutely filthy, wonderful kiss that tastes heavily of slick, cum, and Iruka with a faint hint of Kakashi. 

Tenzo wants to devour him. 

The kiss is broken too soon by Kakashi who yanks Iruka by the hair into a kiss of his own. It's thoroughly dominating like he's trying to remind the omega of something. 

It makes Tenzo drool.

With his free hand, Kakashi gives Tenzo’s belt a tug, reminding him that he should redress quickly if he doesn’t want to be late for his shift. 

It only takes him a few seconds and the moment he is done Kakashi shoves Iruka back into Tenzo's arms, he pulls up the omega's pants and underwear without fastening them, and throws his arms around the both of them as he starts a teleportation jutsu. 

Iruka squawks in protest but they are teleporting before he can get a word in. 

In the next moment, they are standing in the middle of the ANBU break lounge above the Hokage’s office. It is a tiny hole in the wall that also serves as a landing site for incoming and outgoing operatives during shift change. One minute to shift change, there are already seven other ANBU in there when they land. Shift change is usually a 30-second affair if there is nothing to report, but despite Tenzo's arrival, no one moves to leave.

Everyone is frozen in shock except for Kakashi, who is firmly glued to Iruka’s back, presumably to cover his neglected hard-on. He offers the other guards a quick, “Yo,” and two-finger salute then disappears before Iruka’s fist can collide with the side of his head. 

“That colossal prick!!” Iruka shouts right in Tenzo’s ear. Thankfully he still has the mental wherewithal to not pull too far away and expose himself. It allows Tenzo to pull his cloak around the omega, offering him a small semblance of privacy so that he can properly rearrange and fasten his clothing.

Kakashi undoubtedly meant to make his claim on Iruka very public. 

Tenzo knows it's absurd but he's too sated to register it as a problem just yet. Maybe he was even making a claim on Tenzo, though Tenzo could never be too sure when it came to Kakashi’s brand of alpha-territorialism. 

Deciding not to dwell on it for now Tenzo focuses his attention on watching Iruka and blatantly ignoring the stares of his fellow ANBU. 

It’s rare for him - a nameless, clan-less, experiment, and ex-ROOT member - to get much positive attention. Being friends with the infamous Hatake Kakashi did him no favors as it is not a particularly desirable station, what with the whole ‘Friend Killer’ moniker, among other things - including an absurd number of nearly insufferable personality quirks. 

Tenzo, however, feels an enormous amount of pride to be standing there right now with this trophy-omega in his arms. Disheveled, ponytail askew, smelling of their intimacy, and lips red and swollen - it is unmistakable what Tenzo had been doing with him. 

All he has to do is stand there to stake his claim - to rub it in.

He holds unnaturally still, a clear signal for the other shinobi in the room to look his way. 

Gloating without gloating. 

They glare daggers at him and their envy is _delicious_. 

“How do I look?” Iruka asks after a few moments of trying to make himself look decent. 

“You reek of sex.” Parrot informs him.

“Is that a complaint?!” Iruka snaps back and everyone in the room glares at the man for daring to point it out.

Parrot is thankfully not stupid enough to respond, because seriously, it was very taboo to comment on that sort of thing even if you _could_ smell it - after all you can’t make pups without a few wet day-after-panties. Anything even remotely discouraging the production of pups was taboo.

Tenzo responds to Iruka’s first question by gently pulling forward a wayward lock of soft brown hair.

Iruka narrows his eyes at the errant strands, huffs, and then moves past Tenzo towards the tiny bathroom behind him.

Tenzo watches him go, ponders Iruka’s knowledge of the room’s layout for a moment, and then very slowly pulls his mask over his face with very careful and very precise movements. 

Too fastidious for something as simple as wearing a mask.

Preening without preening.

The other ANBU are nearly livid with his display by the time Iruka returns. 

Tenzo finds it deeply amusing. 

Iruka looks totally normal now so Tenzo gives him a nod of approval when he gestures to himself. He smiles sweetly at Tenzo, and brushes his fingertips gently, possessively, along the skin of Tenzo’s bicep. 

It nearly makes Tenzo shudder. 

Iruka turns towards the exit but before he reaches the small hatch in the floor that leads to the Hokage’s office, he freezes, clearly shocked to have spotted a small and very ominous looking refrigerator tucked into the back of the room. It is covered in protective seals and has several official tags on it warning against opening it. It’s very old and has never been opened during Tenzo’s entire tenure in ANBU. The urban legend has it that it contains ‘enemy appendages’ - whatever that means.

“Is this thing still sealed?” Iruka asks in surprise, he looks around the room and asks, “Why hasn’t anyone reported this?”

Tenzo has no answer for him. None of them do so he simply shrugs a shoulder. 

Iruka rolls his eyes at them and continues towards the hatch. Instead of leaving, however, he pokes his head through it, giving everyone a lovely view of his ass as he calls down, “Oi, Hokage-sama, come up here for a minute, you’re not going to believe this!”

Tenzo isn't shocked per se, he's been observing their familiarity with one another for years, but he does feel disturbed because, in the next instant, the Hokage is among them. 

The old alpha flairs his nostrils as he calmly takes in the congregation of lingering ANBU; thankfully he gives no other indication that he's smelled anything out of place. Then his eyes pause on Iruka’s face - there is a very worrisome look of mischief in the omega’s eyes. 

Iruka points to the ancient mini-fridge and Sandaime’s gaze follows his direction.

He stares at it uncomprehendingly for a moment before understanding seems to finally dawn on him and huffs a bemused laughed. “Do I really want to know?”

“It's... it is easily among the Top 10 worst things I’ve ever done…” Iruka admits with barely contained laughter. Then his mirth ends suddenly and his eyes widen with fear as though he’d just remembered something horrific, “Oh Kami, I take that back,” he whispers quietly, blushing hotly and putting a hand over his forehead “...this is Top 3.”

“Well, bring it down to my office, and let’s have a look.” Sandaime huffs in bemusement and disappears into the room below. 

Tenzo is more than a little confused at this point but he knows better than to let it get in the way of obeying a direct order. Getting the ancient thing down there was tricky as it was far heavier than it seemed and too big for the hatch, but with two teams they somehow manage not to cause any damage to the floors. 

Unsurprisingly, at this point, Iruka undoes the seals. 

He opens the freezer first, it's nearly a solid block of ice. It's impossible to make out what is really in it.

"It's ah…" Iruka is embarrassed and glowing red as he confesses, "It's ah… a bunch of heat-aids…" 

...but he isn't horrified...

Opening the bottom part of the refrigerator is almost as anticlimactic. 

It's full of old porno magazines and a box of expired condoms; apparently, a younger version of Iruka had meant it to be a prank/gift.

Tenzo has no clue why Iruka might have thought the office needed _more_ _porn_ of all things. The old pervert has magazines stuffed in nearly every nook and cranny of the place… 

…

...then again Iruka had forgotten about it so maybe it was something he'd done often. 

That might explain some things… after all, it would be weird for the old alpha to walk into a store and buy it himself…

The Hokage snorts a laugh as Iruka places them on his desk and impishly offers him the first one. He takes it wordlessly with a small amused shake of his head. 

The second one is offered to Tenzo and Tenzo is too stunned not to take it. 

It's cold, a stark contrast to Iruka's warm hands.

It only seems polite to look through it.

His fellow ANBU try to peek at it over his shoulder but he does nothing to accommodate them because Iruka gave it to _him and not them_ and _because Iruka thinks he's special_ and _not them_ and _-because Iruka_ ** _picked him_** _and_ ** _not them_** _\- and Tenzo distantly realizes that he is_ ** _so_** **_fucked_** _(maybe even more so than Kakashi), but he doesn't care - because_ ** _no one else_** _gets to hang out and look at porn with Iruka and the Hokage._ ** _NO ONE!!_**

Okay, that's enough of that; gloat with dignity Tenzo, _sheesh_. 

The other ANBU are definitely going to buy him drinks tonight - _the haters._

Iruka shuffles through the remaining magazines for a moment before pulling a third one from the pile and then he loudly - indiscreetly - rolls it up and walks right into Tenzos personal space. The closeness causes Tenzo's stomach to clench in worry for a moment but he doesn't move, allowing Iruka to shove the magazine into Tenzo’s scroll pocket. 

It's _clearly_ the source of his earlier horror. 

Sandaime quirks an eyebrow at the motion but decides against questioning it. 

...

**_ALL FOR TENZO!_ **

...and maybe Kakashi. He'll probably be there when Tenzo gets home after his shift ends.

Iruka blushes prettily and smiles serenely at him; the order is clear - _protect this with your life!_ He then bows a quick farewell to the room and leaves.

Tenzo watches him go then carefully places the magazine in his hands back on top of the stack, giving the Hokage a moment to address the whole - _why do you smell like my favorite omega? -_ thing.

Tenzo has no idea what the man knows. 

He might know everything. 

After a few seconds of silence Tenzo accepts the approval for what it is and nods once to the other team leader and once to his own team. They all quickly disperse, leaving the old alpha to his magazines. 

\-----

Kakashi is reading his usual book on Tenzo's couch when he gets back to his flat.

"How was work?" Kakashi asks, not looking up at him.

"I feel weird," Tenzo says immediately, ignoring Kakashi's question for now. 

Kakashi glances at him for a moment, watching as he walks over to sit on the armrest, brows furrowed. He studies Tenzo for a few moments then nods and looks back at his book, "It's the mix of pheromones, the three of ours together. Because it's the way nature intended." _Perfection,_ he means, but apparently refuses to say. _"_ They mess with your brain."

Tenzo ponders that for only a moment before tucking it away to examine later.

"Iruka unlocked the fridge." He tells Kakashi because he hasn't known the man to stick around for long if he is uncomfortable. 

"Really?" Kakashi asks, sitting up and giving Tenzo his full attention. "What was in it?"

"Dildos and porn." He says quickly, remembering the magazine Iruka left in his pocket. "Iruka gave this one to me. He didn't want anyone else to see it." He says as he eagerly pulls it out and unfurls it before Kakashi like it's a forbidden scroll. 

Kakashi immediately takes it from him and rapidly begins to skim the pages. Thankfully it's not a super weird or gross fetish magazine, but there doesn't seem to be anything particularly special about it. Tenzo has no idea why Iruka would have reacted so strongly to it. 

"Hmm. Maybe he grabbed the wrong one…" Tenzo says after they've skimmed it twice.

"Hmm," Kakashi responds noncommittally, flipping back to start browsing leisurely from the beginning. 

"I'm gonna go get changed, the team invited me out to drinks," Tenzo says, waiting for Kakashi to decipher the meaning behind the invitation. 

"Haters." He huffs laugh a second later. He then looks at Tenzo and finally brings himself to ask, "So… ah… Iruka?"

"The words won't kill you senpai, use them." He chastises, though he knows it's to no avail. 

When Kakashi looks away from him and back at the magazine Tenzo tsks irritably. 

He doesn't dare use words like ' _like_ ,' let alone ' _love.'_ Instead Tenzo says, "We're both fucked," because he suspects it's going to be impossible _not_ to fall for Iruka, and just to drive the point home he says, "It's gonna suck when he ends this."

Kakashi looks at him full-on, there is a frown behind his mask when he asks, "Will you regret it?"

"No." Tenzo replied immediately because running from pain isn't how they live their lives. 

The frown disappears and Kakashi gives him a genuine smile. "Then we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

Tenzo smiles back and says, "Come get drinks with the team."

"No." Kakashi replies, still smiling.

"Yes." Tenzo demands, still smiling.

Kakashi concedes defeat by burying his nose back into the magazine. The reason he is no longer in ANBU is that he's been shortlisted for the position of Hokage and he's been ordered to socialize so he can improve his image.

When Tenzo is dressed he walks back into the living room to find Kakashi examining one of the pages with the Sharingan. 

On one side there is an ad for erectile dysfunction medication, on the other is an ad for a penal enlargement device.

"What are you doing?" He looks so serious Tenzo can't help but laugh.

"There's a seal here," Kakashi informs him and Tenzo is next to him in the next instant. 

Neither of them is particularly well versed in seals, though Tenzo knows Kakashi has taken up the study of it recently. It takes him a few minutes but Kakashi eventually gets the pages to separate and reveal the hidden pages between them.

It doesn't click immediately, Iruka is wearing so much makeup he is almost unrecognizable, but it's definitely him looking back at them with his ass at the forefront, taking up the majority of the _two_ pages. 

He is completely naked and he is blushing as he opens his mouth, waiting for someone off-camera to feed him a fork full of birthday cake.

Kakashi is doing his weird perverted giggle, the one he does when reads a new Icha Icha for the first time and thinks no one is watching. He glances at Tenzo but Tenzo ignores him in favor of staring at Iruka. 

_Because wow..._

Kakashi reads the caption to him, _"This barely legal omega just turned 18 and wanted nothing more than to show off his gorgeous virgin holes for his birthday! How could we refuse!?"_

After another minute of staring Kakashi lays the magazine down onto Tenzo's lap and rubs at his temple. 

"We're fucked." Kakashi admits after a pause.

Tenzo actually feels proud of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also a question: I have a bunch of old KakaIru fics that I need to move over from LJ before they get deleted while I'm not paying attention. Is that best done in one dump or gradually? Any advice?
> 
> Thanks!


End file.
